Learning Your Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are nothing more, or less, than knowing what is you/yours and what is not. Boundaries are another skill that most of us are not taught. Once you trust this learned skill, you may recognize shifts in energy, find yourself more respectful of other people’s space, and more honoring of your own personal need for space or replenishment.
Boundaries may be thought of as your comfort zone, or what feels okay in terms of the space around you. And learning them helps you notice subtle shifts in energy in your environment and your body, so you can make adjustments, rather than feeling overloaded. In this respect, boundaries are fluid. They change as you change, as your environment changes, and as the people around you change.
Boundary Play
Start by yourself so you are not sensing someone else’s presence. If you have a willing partner, please try the exercise separately first before moving into the same room together.
Sit on the floor or in a chair with your spine gently lifting from the hips, as if a string is gently pulling from the top of your head.
Take a few gentle breaths and allow your body to settle, relaxing your shoulders.
With your hands, slowly feel out from your body in front, above, to the sides, as far back as you can. You are sensing how far you feel your body’s energy or presence into the room. Take it slow and notice a subtle shift from me to not me. If your presence expands into the room past your hands, follow with your intention.
Notice any differences from front to back, or above your body.
Practice in different settings – in your home, at work, in a park, at a theater.
Journal Prompts:
Where do I feel most expansive? Where do I feel most restrictive or protected?
Do I notice different boundaries in different locations? Describe the differences.
Did I notice anything surprising, any aha moments?
How might this activity benefit my daily interactions?
Boundaries with other people:
When you begin to work with another person, take it slowly.
Have one person get comfortable in the room. Have the other person come into the room slowly, allowing the one sitting in the room to regulate the distance. (You’ll swap positions to give each person an opportunity to explore.)
Remember, this is exploration. Keeping an open mind and noticing within your own body and mind and emotions is the key. Try not to judge or censor your responses. Honor what you sense in this exploration and know that in this moment, in this place, and with this person, you can acknowledge where you stop, and another begins.
The more you play with this, the more you become aware of your own sensitivities, or how perhaps you may have overstepped another’s boundaries, or they yours. Knowing your boundaries is the first step, honoring them is another. Getting comfortable with you in a variety of places and situations builds stress resilience and helps you navigate when you’re not sure where to put your next step.
Journal Prompts:
How is working with boundaries alone different than with another? Note any specific thoughts, emotions, resistance.
What did I notice as I was the person controlling the space in the room?
What did I notice as I was the person coming into the room?
How did I feel watching someone show me their boundaries?
How might this activity benefit my daily interactions?
Awareness-building is the foundation for stress resilience. The more you know and honor yourself, the easier it is to notice when something is out of sync, or off. And practicing just 15 minutes each day can build this foundation.
Do you know your stress response type? Take a 7-question quiz to discover your dominant stress response and how to work with it to unlock your personal growth potential
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