How to Build Stress Resilience in 15 Minutes a Day

PLUS Quick Stress First Aid Tips      (Part 1 of a 5-part Series)

The world feels volatile right now. The U.S. is in the midst of both a health and racial crisis. The pandemic, the economy, and the most recent assault, the racial and political climate are sparking protests, and in some cases, violence. And it is all in our faces, 24/7.

As a Trauma Therapist, if you are not feeling an escalation of anxiety or stress, I would be surprised.

As a human being who is sensitive to other’s suffering, fear, and emotional state, I am not immune to the current rise in anxiety. I want to offer you some proven tools for staying present without becoming overwhelmed, tools to develop strong boundaries so that you can easily assess whether what you are feeling is yours or not, and some Stress First Aid tips to help you de-escalate quickly (or help someone else to de-escalate.)

Staying present to a situation means you can sit with what is happening – whatever that situation may be – and observe both the environment around you and your internal environment.

People in emergency services tend to be good at this. Despite what is happening, they assess problems, acknowledge conditions, formulate a plan, and carry it out. Yes, they are trained to do these things. But what makes some people calm under pressure and others overwhelmed?

The difference is in how we learn to respond. And most of us are not taught how to consciously respond. Rather, we follow the rush of adrenaline, the impulse to run or fight or freeze, and the emotional charge of the stressor.

We make decisions in this heightened state that guide our actions, our choices, and our beliefs. Decisions like, “Yelling is frightening, I need to avoid anyone who is yelling” or “I’ll never drive at night again.” Some decisions may be so subtle we’re not aware we even made them. But they come up at times of stress. These may involve a harmless glass of wine or cocktail when we come home from work or raiding the cookie jar after everyone has gone to bed.

Staying present in stressful situations takes trust in your ability to tolerate heightened sensation in your nervous system – that rush of adrenaline, the alertness of cortisol – without feeling hi-jacked by it. And this takes practice. Ask any firefighter what fighting his/her first fire was like.

This is not to say you should stay in a dangerous situation. We are talking about discerning between a triggered response (from the past) and a conscious one (right now.)

The good news is we can learn to build stress-resilience and stay present to tough situations and keep a clear head as we consciously choose our next move.

The hard news is that we tell ourselves “I should be able to handle a little scary news”, or “I shouldn’t need to practice getting calm or grounded or centered, I’ve been fine up to now”, or “It’s mind over matter” and assume we can think ourselves out of overwhelm. And maybe we can. For a while.

And then the build-up of 3 months of lock down due to a pandemic removes the safe routine we had so carefully and meticulously nurtured over 10-15 years (or longer.) Our social support is relegated to Zoom™ meetings and social media posts. We’re torn between returning to work and protecting our health. A family member gets sick and we can’t be there to support her.

Each of these experiences can be enough to put your nervous system into a heightened state. All of them together pose a layered attack, making it difficult to bounce back. And each piece of the layered story carries its own weight on our psyche, on our well-being.

I’ve put together a resilience practice that includes tools for both stress first aid and on-going resilience-building. I recommend daily practice of one or more of these tools to start, for about 10-15 minutes. As with any kind of practice, once you learn one skill, you can lean into something a little more challenging. The key is to practice so you build a level of comfort and ease.

Resilience is built by slowly increasing your tolerance, so you feel more confidence and greater safety in your body.

I’ll be posting a new activity each week for 5 weeks. Please check back each Friday, or subscribe to my blog, Finding Home in Your Body, to have it sent directly to your email.

Day 1 Focus on your breath:

Your breath is the connection point between your body and your immediate environment, the internal and external. By bringing your awareness to your breath, you make this connection consciously.

Start by lying down in a comfortable position. You may want to put a pillow under your knees and under your neck for support.

When you feel settled, exhale, as if you are sighing, through an open, relaxed mouth.

Notice how your body settles a little more.

Now follow your breath into and out of your body. Gently, comfortably, easily.

Notice where your body expands as you inhale. Notice how your body empties on the exhale.

Gently extend the exhale for 3 breaths.

Notice what happens with each next inhale.

Deepen the inhale into your belly for 3 breaths.

Notice what happens in your body.

Bring your focus to your back.

As you gently breath in and out, what do you notice in your back?

What do you notice in your arms and legs as they connect to the floor or your bed?

Roll your legs and arms gently back and forth and let them settle even more.

Roll your head side to side and allow it to settle.

Return to your breath. Follow it in and out.

Exhale fully through your open mouth, as in a sigh.

JOURNAL PROMPTS

Writing in a journal about your experience can help you integrate your observations into your daily life. Here are a few Journal Prompts to get you started:

How does it feel to be present with my body in this way?

What did I notice with my breathing?

Did I notice anything surprising?

What has shifted in my thoughts, my energy, my emotions?

How might this exercise benefit my daily life?