I was thinking about self-care the other day. The topic has become such a buzz word over the past several years that I think we don’t hear it anymore. Sure, the concept is alive and, well, necessary. But maybe we should call it what it really is, personal accountability, self-love, maturity.
Personal accountability means, I am responsible for my well-being. Self-love means I give myself the same care and understanding I would offer a dear friend or family member (or even a stranger!). Maturity means that I own my emotional and mental health.
As a massage therapist for nearly three decades, I have treated people of all ages and every level of health. When I ask about self-care, about what they are doing to care for not only their physical body, but the emotional, mental, and spiritual factors that contribute to a well-balanced life, the response is typically a version of one of three responses:
a) a moment of silence accompanied by a sigh,
b) a laugh, followed by a list of reasons why self-care doesn’t fit with their life – too busy, kids, work, finances, etc., or
c) a thesis on everything they have tried, to fix whatever they think is wrong with them (physical pain.)
I get it. I have a friend who says, “Life has a way of life-ing you”, which pretty well sums up how we get lost in what is going on around us.
So, I think the way to enter into the self-care world is not through major changes in routine, or nutrition, or exercise. It isn’t about needing to meditate daily. Self-care is found in the ways we approach ourselves, in our relationship with our past, and in our how we see ourselves in the world around us.
For some, self-care is as foreign as learning a new language. The compassion and patience it takes to learn what your body needs, what inspires you, or how to make subtle changes toward those goals seem allusive.
For others, past traumas, hurts, or regret have clouded even the smallest moments of joy, even the gentlest attempts at self-love.
And, unless we have a strong sense of self, the world can feel like it is passing us by, like a merry-go-round spinning too fast to jump on, or off.
In the trauma work that I do, we learn to meet the body where it is. We let sensation guide the direction. I believe self-care can follow this same direction. Slow, intentional, without judgment or criticism.
So, what does this look like?
Start with something easily noticed – your breath. Right now, as you are reading, what do you notice about your breathing? When you exhale, follow your breath in. Does it fill your chest? Does it expand your belly? As you exhale, follow your breath out. Where do you notice your body empty? Simply observe for a few breath cycles.
Now play with the exploration. Slow the exhale way down and exhale fully. What happens to your next inhale? Do you notice your breath deepen into your body? Explore for about 3-5 minutes.
This same concept of slow, intentional, without judgment or criticism is the key to self-care. Find your way to what feels right for you, what allows you to slow down and catch your breath, so to speak.
Not by accident, your breath can also help to calm you down when agitated, or scared, or triggered. Slowing the breath slows the heart rate, which helps to bring your body back to a state of neutral – from stress response to relaxation response.
For many, this ability to work with their body is the first step in self-empowerment. Rather than feeling like you have no control, like you just have to hold on and ride out that anxiety or agitation, this simple tool of focusing on your breath and slowing the exhale gives you access to change the trajectory and the outcome.
As you learn to relate with your body in this way, you learn to interact with your internal world, your body’s sensations and the thoughts, memories, and beliefs that may accompany the sensations. In this way, personal accountability, self-love, maturity can be developed with ease.
In my next post, I’ll discuss the concept of grounding and presence, and offer some tools for getting settled in easily and quickly.